I’m currently on a trip with some of my good friends from high school, which got me thinking about how I make friends and grow closer to people.
Proximity is a big factor, but it can’t be the only one. I’m closest to the people I spend the most time with, yet throughout high school, I spent a lot of time with many people but didn’t become close with all of them.
Some people try to befriend those they admire, surrounding themselves with people they want to emulate. This is an active way of making friends, and it’s effective. But in my experience, many of my friendships weren’t the result of a deliberate effort. In fact, I often don’t even remember how I met some of my friends. The way these relationships formed and developed has been unique for each friend.
Some friendships grew from shared hobbies or interests, while others were forged during training camps or through helping each other with homework. So, maybe the key to forming close friendships is shared experiences. I don’t think these experiences have to be happy ones. Sometimes, going through tough times together brings people closer. My high school had a 10-day long backpacking trip where they intentionally didn’t pair close friends together. It was one of the coolest things my school did, and I’m currently on a trip with one of the friends I made during that experience. To be honest, I think challenging experiences might be what bring people the closest. Now, I’m considering how I can have more of these experiences as an adult.
People often make a lot of their closest friends during school. My hypothesis is that in school, everyone goes through a lot of tough experiences, whether it’s studying, dealing with social life, going to sports practices, or just growing up in general. Since they’re forced to spend so much time together in classes, they share those experiences that bring them closer.
Maybe parents become friends with other parents that have children the same age because they’re going through the experience of raising children together. Now, I’m trying to figure out what tough experiences young adults go through. Based on my newest friendships, working on projects together at work is definitely one. Another for me, specifically, is trying to get better at beach volleyball. When I say “tough,” I don’t mean it in a negative way. I think a better way to explain it is experiences that require significant physical, mental, or emotional effort.
Hopefully, some of you can relate to this. In any case, I’d encourage you to think about how you became friends with your closest friends. It might help you figure out how to make more friends if that’s something you’re interested in. Feel free to reach out on social media or email ([email protected]).